Posts Tagged ‘unhappy’

Last night I was reading a summarization of the bible and came across a story that really spoke to my spirit.  The story was when Simon Peter took Jesus aside ad privately reprimanded him for saying such things as him being killed and then rising up in three days.  He advised Jesus that this was impossible because God will never allow this to happen to him.

Jesus turned and saw the disciples, then looked at Peter. “Do not stand in my way, adversary.  You are a hindrance to me because you do not understand the plan of God.  You see only from a human point of view.  Matthew 16:23

What an amazing revelation!  As I let this saturate within me.  I realized then that I myself was my biggest adversary in my life.  I am always watching what I say, do look and wear.  Constantly wanting to be accepted by others and avoid being typecast or labeled a stereotype or even dumb and not worthy.  I downplay who I am and continuously am quiet because I second guess myself thinking that I may sound illiterate and incompetent.

This morning I looked up the word adversary and the definition is one’s opponent in a contest, conflict or dispute.  I also read that it is a person, group or force that opposes or attacks; opponent; enemy foe.  The Devil ; Satan.

Those definitions definitely hit a nerve. But they left off one description – oneself.  In life we fight more against our self and how we view ourselves.  I love the fact that God spoke boldly to Peter – Do not stand in my way Adversary!!! What if we took on our adversary in that same way.

Since I am my adversary – I will speak boldly out loud – Hey, you (Kim) the one in the mirror – do not stand in my way.  For you do not know the plans of God because you only think with your human mind!!! Get out of my way!

I really love this and this is something I plan to follow each day of my life.

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As I was sitting at my desk, shutting down my computer for the 100th time, I saw my complexion on the blue screen and thought, “I am glad to be God’s masterpiece, his beautiful work of art”. My flaws, imperfections, mental bruising, negative thoughts, bad attitude, my struggles, my downs; my bad and ugly are all part of the makeup of me.

Each day I have come to realize that all these things that I find so BAD about me, God wants to use these things for his GOOD no matter how CRAZY I think they or I am!   There is nothing to hard for God! So many things have happened in my life that has snatched away my innocence at a very young age and have caused me to build up such a hard shell.  I have struggled to invite people in – in fear that they would either leave me voluntarily or involuntarily.

I don’t trust anyone and it is hard for me to feel the authenticity of someone’s heart or words because of my own fears and trust issues.  I have been bound by this for so long and try to break loss of all these things that hold me captive and from moving forward.

What I have learned is that not only does this hard shell and wall keep me from building loving relationships, but it too destroys my relationship with Christ and how I view him.  Wow! This is an amazing revelation!  As I seek Christ daily and draw near to him, I will began to accept who I am and truly accept his Love for me.  I will understand the depth of his Love. And once I understand it, feel it, walk in it, claim it, it will be like a sweet aroma flowing from my heart, my mouth, my actions, and bathing in my thoughts constantly. (Oh I can’t wait for that moment)

I am so blessed to be God’s Masterpiece!  He made me, knew me and now he is teaching me about myself and perfecting me – my delicate parts and those things that are deeply rooted and hidden away, he his bringing them to light so that I am no longer bond by them and so that I can face them head on. (This was something I never wanted to do and thought I didn’t need to – but I have found healing in doing this)

Yes, it’s hard and hurts really bad when you have to face yourself – the real YOU.  When you look in the mirror and do not like who is staring back at you.  But today, I saw a new creature when I saw myself on that blue screen. I saw who I was and who God has made me to be. And each day I will walk in that and not in what my past, present, future, I, family, friends, enemies or even Satan says I am.

mirrorWhen you look in the mirror, what do you see? A real question for my readers…

Brown as a tree branch swaying back and from in the wind. Two pearls that shine so brightly (my papa would say when I was a kid when he spoke of my eyes).  Cheekbones so high, you’d think I was raised by top models or born unto Indians.  Dimples on cheek to cheek – from the kissing of angels from up above.

Kinky hair twisted in locks to show my heritage and expressions of my natural beauty. Ears so tiny, yet I can hear all that needs to be heard, especially the chanting of God’s sweet Words whispering softly to me. Lips full, yet small. However, when I open my mouth, love is expressed and so is God’s Glory.

My nose is a perfect work of art – placed so beautifully you see. It was as if God designed it just for Kleenex commercials and I hope I get a gig. (JK) The only flaw I found, was a mole placed right there, right on the left side of my nose. I wondered why there? Why did God design me to have a little black mole right there for the world to see? A sign of imperfection! He must have messed up on me! I thought!

Well, Ecclesiastes 3 reminded me that everything has a purpose. Something as small as a mole on my nose has its purpose. Each creation that God made he placed a purpose in it. He was so passionate about his creations that he gave each one of us our own special mark. Nothing was created by chance, but serves a purpose in his big picture.

And in knowing that, when I look at my mole, I am constantly reminded that my imperfections are made perfect in Christ. Why? Because he took his time in molding me so beautifully and was just showing off when he added a touch of “mole” right on my nose to top off his wonderful creation.

******I would love to hear from you!!!! Tell me what is your special touch/mark that God has blessed you with and why?*****