Posts Tagged ‘sick’

Today at work, I was thinking about what motivates me.  No one came to mind. I thought, surely someone or something pushes me to be successful in life.  Not a one person came to mind.  Not Oprah, not Michelle Obama, not Joyce Meyers. I mean literally no one came to mind. Which I found really weird.

But as I sat there thinking about what comes to mind when I am struggling with an issue, or when I am about to make a life changing decision. My 2 beautiful daughters came to mind. Truly I am motivated by them. This strong will to succeed and please God is my motivator. Being a good person and living my best life now is my motivation. Funny thing is, as I write, I believe that others motivate me.  My drive to motivate someone with a low self-esteem, fearful, suffering from abuse, knows loss, confused, unhappy or even suicidal is my motivation to push through every obstacle that comes my way.

I want my life to be a testimony of hope, of drive, of success and peace. All while being a mom, wife, friend, sister and Christian!  When I talk to others that struggle in these areas, I can’t help but see me all over them. I want them to never give up! To view me as that little engine that could, would and did!

I am a conqueror!  I do not conqueror on my own! I do not walk this life on my own. I do not succeed on my own!  I do all of this in the Mighty name of Jesus Christ!  A name higher than my own!  A name higher than any name!  With a power that can literally  move mountains, raise the dead, and heal the sick! Operating in his power, makes me a force to reckoned with because I know that I am nothing without him!

HE is my TRUE motivation!

 

 

Today I experienced major growth and received my breakthrough that I am so excited about!   So much so that I was walking around work smiling cheek to cheek.  For this past few months, I have been on a journey like no other.  A journey that I have attempted to travel alone so many times and simply landed back at that familiar place I told you about in my 2nd post “If God says I am Good, then why do I feel like Scum” – my scum pile.

I have been in deep, constant prayer and seeking the Word of God frequently to tackle this defect (that’s what I call it) of mine that I have had for most of my life.  Most people don’t know this about me, but I get so offended by everything – looking at me wrong, saying the wrong thing, not complimenting me, not saying hi or goodbye, not recognizing me, not doing the dishes, or whatever one does that could tick me off.  Sounds crazy, I know!  But that was me and I hated it!

I started to feel like it was so hard to live this life in a normal way.  Always thinking what is wrong with me? Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I just brush it off and keep it moving? Why do I have to take every single thing/statement so personally and to heart?  Why do I allow the thoughts, opinions and statements of others tear me done?  Why do I allow them to control my mood, actions and even health – health meaning causing me stress – which could soon lead to high blood pressure, heart attack and then maybe death? (A little dramatic I know, but this is real when you are allowing others to continuously speak things into and on you and you simply load it into that bag back of yours and keep stuffing and stuffing until you face is touching the ground).

Well, as I said early, I have been on this new journey, but the only thing different this time is that I am not alone.  I have my father God on this path with me.  As I write, I am reminded of the scripture, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadows of death, I will fear no evil.  For thy are with me, thy rod and staff the comfort me” (Psalms 23:4).  Thank God for being with me because this has been a scary and hard journey for me.  I do not have to fear the unknown – the evils that are lurking to devour me because my God is with me and he will protect me physically and mentally.

God has showed me that offense is a trick of Satan and that this is something that I needed to pray off and away from me daily.  And I have done just that.  However, it is easier to say than do, especially when this has grown so deep in you and that root is so strong and wide.  But nothing is impossible for God. “…With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26) Amen!!!! Thank you Lord! As I said early, I traveled this path alone with no progress.  But now, I have allowed God to be the Head (my GPS system who will never lead me wrong) and who will always reveal the best path for me.

Back to the reason why I smiled so much and hard today.  Today there were 4 distinctive incidents that happened where, I would have normally went left or sour.  They all were centered on other people and how they treated me whether in actions or in words.  Just to summarize them:  I was not included in a certain situation, a person who calls herself my friend didn’t speak to me, another individual made an observation about my hair that did not lead to a compliment, and the icing on the cake – someone posted a very disturbing video on Facebook that I hate (the video angers me the most because it is dealing with small innocent children).  Note: my Facebook is blocked because I am trying to keep my mind pure and stay focused on my journey to newness, transformation, happiness, peace, love, and kindness, lack of judgment, lack of jealousy, lack of anger, lack of sadness, no regrets and all the wonderful gifts from above.  (Facebook was a distraction to me and it kept me away from what was most important and that is and will always be my walk in Christ – Note: I don’t have anything against Facebook. I will be back on it. It’s just some things, no someone is more important right now)

The usual reaction that I would take around those incidents I told you about earlier wasn’t the normal reaction.  As I stood watching and listening to each one unfold, I felt something weird come over me – NOTHING!  I felt a sensation of NOTHING!  AMEN!!!!  What they said and did had not affect me, my mood, my thoughts, and my actions in anyway.  Because I was so in shock and did not recognize the feeling.  I sat there and saturated in it a bit thinking, wow, what is wrong with me? (Yep, there’s that question again) But this time I had a good answer for myself.  I responded with NOTHING!  There is NOTHING wrong with you Girl!  You are walking in Peace!  The Peace that God has already given you, you are not operating in it!!!!  Hallelujah!  Thank you Jesus!!!

I got up from my desk, but not before I placed a humongous smile on my face.  I repeated to myself, you are walking in Peace!  And it sure does feel good!  I began to praise my father in heaven for this transformation that was taking place.  I began to thank him for refining and perfecting me.   My Faith became stronger instantly because only he knows how much I have prayed for this change to take place that never came.  I thank him for answering my prayers. “Ask and it will be given; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7).   And yes, I know that this is just the beginning and yes I may fall short.  However, I do know this – He is with me every step of the way and that he is going to continue to build me up until this burden is no longer mine!  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28)

Today was the day he showed me that I am on the right path!  Hallelujah!  Thank you Jesus for transformation!