Posts Tagged ‘peace’

Today at work, I was thinking about what motivates me.  No one came to mind. I thought, surely someone or something pushes me to be successful in life.  Not a one person came to mind.  Not Oprah, not Michelle Obama, not Joyce Meyers. I mean literally no one came to mind. Which I found really weird.

But as I sat there thinking about what comes to mind when I am struggling with an issue, or when I am about to make a life changing decision. My 2 beautiful daughters came to mind. Truly I am motivated by them. This strong will to succeed and please God is my motivator. Being a good person and living my best life now is my motivation. Funny thing is, as I write, I believe that others motivate me.  My drive to motivate someone with a low self-esteem, fearful, suffering from abuse, knows loss, confused, unhappy or even suicidal is my motivation to push through every obstacle that comes my way.

I want my life to be a testimony of hope, of drive, of success and peace. All while being a mom, wife, friend, sister and Christian!  When I talk to others that struggle in these areas, I can’t help but see me all over them. I want them to never give up! To view me as that little engine that could, would and did!

I am a conqueror!  I do not conqueror on my own! I do not walk this life on my own. I do not succeed on my own!  I do all of this in the Mighty name of Jesus Christ!  A name higher than my own!  A name higher than any name!  With a power that can literally  move mountains, raise the dead, and heal the sick! Operating in his power, makes me a force to reckoned with because I know that I am nothing without him!

HE is my TRUE motivation!

 

 

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Today while on the shuttle, I decide to go onto my Facebook as I do daily.  I noticed that I had a friend invite from my grandmother on my dad’s side.  Immediately I thought, why? Why did she send me a friend request?  I haven’t talk to her in over 10 years or my dad if not longer.

Just out of curiosity I went to my dad’s Facebook page only to find that my friend request from months ago was not accepted and that he had updated his profile and cover photo and to top it off, his son and sister were his mutual friends.

I began to feel a sense of rejection.  Asking myself why he wants nothing to do with me.  Before I could deep the hole deeper, God reminded me that he was my father, my true father.  He created love, he is love and I am loved.  It’s amazing to learn that you are loved, but its life changing when you recognize his love.  God spoke to me letting me know that in him I am so deeply loved and that I do not have to hungry for love or thirst for it because the flow from him will never stop or run dry, it will never dwindle.  It will always overflow and overflow.

At that moment, those feelings of being unloved and rejected quickly disappeared because I have finally recognized that I have a father who is love, but most of all who created love. He made me in love and nothing I can ever do will destroy his love for me. Hallelujah!

God has all the love I need!

 

 

Never be blinded by fake feelings…the ones that seem to come and go.  Always keep your eyes on Truth – the constant unchanging Truth.  And that is God.  When you keep your eyes on him, no feelings of hurt, anger, despair, frustration, emptiness or whatever negative spirit can have its way with you. Because there is only one name that can demolish them all and that is calling on the precious and sweet name of Jesus. Everything shall bow and has no place torturing or tearing us down when his name is flowing freely in our minds and his goodness.  A name that brings life! And with life comes strength and power! Allow God to be the root that is dug so deep within that nothing else has room to sprout up, break us away from him and then eventually kill us. 

Focus on Truth today!!

 

It’s funny how life turns out – especially when you are no longer the navigator.  In my life I have learned that allowing God to guide me is what is best for me.  And you know what else, the release of trying to do this and that is no longer my job.  The pressure to figure out my own way is certainly no longer a pressure point for me because I have released control over to God.  Yes, I still have to do my part – but God is certainly guiding me down a path I have never imagined I’d take.  Yes, there have been a few ups and downs. But I wouldn’t trade anything for my journey now. The reason being is that I truly wouldn’t be as strong, confident, peaceful, but most appreciative of where I have been and my future. I know that there is nothing I can’t accomplish through Christ and Great things are ahead for me.

Yesterday was a struggle for me. I thought that I was just physically tired, but soon began to realize that I was actually emotionally drained which impacted my whole being. While at work, I just didn’t really want to be bothered by anyone. I knew that what I was feeling was not of God and that it was a crack that Satan could enter to use against me. I decided not today!

So I got up and went into our game room at the office and began to pray and read about God’s love. When I walked out I felt so much better. I knew that familiar place, but this time I knew a remedy for it and it was to turn to God and not myself. I began to remind myself of His love and how he still loves me when I am acting like this and how he still wants to bless me more than I could dream!

I was reminded by the Spirit that I needed to constantly bath in the love of God and his teachings. As this is the only way that I could withstand those difficulty times. I am reminded that I must feast on God daily. Taste his new manna every morning. He has to stay apart of my daily routine because without him, I will fall back into my old ways. And this I do not want because in him I have been set free and I want to say free indeed!

One thing that I have learned in my spiritual walk with God is – when you have not feasted on him in a while, your body (God) will certainly remind you. It’s like your body goes into starvation mode feasting on any and everything it finds – whether its reality shows, other people’s drama, bad/negative music or thoughts that are not of God. Leaving you to feel empty! I am a witness to this because I have felt this way after I have feasted on those unhealthy things – so much so my body and spirit gets so weak that I have to turn back to God – and feast on those things that are pure and lovely (healthy food) – those things that will build me up and not break me down – those things that will keep my foundation strong when the wind blows!

****Philippians 4:8-9  Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.9The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.****

 

It is such a blessing to know that all you have to do is keep your eyes on God. Just the knowing that my future is safe in his hands makes me smile every second of the day. He constantly reassures me of his best when negative thoughts or feelings try to creep up. I mediate on his word and recite it to myself quietly as I sit at my desk and even when I take a quick stroll. Hallelujah, I can walk in His Peace and not in my situation. I am blinded by my Faith. For I know that my feelings and situation can be misleading. My truth is found in Him! And in Him I will always follow because his word says that he will make my paths straight! Hallelujah! I don’t have to be lost and confused. For Jesus is my compass, my GPS!

Proverbs 3:6 – in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

I have recently reached what I call a milestone in my life; one that I dreaded and was very fearful to make. To make a long story short, my mom died of AIDS when I was 17. She died at the young age of 32 leaving behind 4 children and I was the oldest.  Because of her death, each year, I celebrated my birthday in sadness and fear that her doom (well what I believed doom was) would soon come knocking at my door. Death that is….

Not only that but I was just unhappy because she was gone and couldn’t be here to see how much I have accomplished or met her two beautiful granddaughters. I have struggled so much in my life…Nothing too major as far as life circumstances.  My life is pretty normal for what most people see with their human eyes and I try to keep it looking that way.  However, there was a constant battle going on deep inside. I was a prisoner in my own mind. I was far gone!  Far away from God and reality!  It was like I was going crazy from the imprisonment of my mind and there was no way out!

I prayed often! It didn’t work! I smiled in peoples’ faces, but when their backs were turned, I frowned in sadness and anger!  I hugged, even when I didn’t feel like loving any one including myself!  I spoke of God, but really didn’t know him or trust him!  I read the bible, but my mind was somewhere else!  I encouraged others, when I didn’t even believe that God could answer my own prays!  I dreamt dreams and talked about goals, but I knew that –  that was just it, wishful thinking!  I was lost!!!  So lost!!!!  I hated myself, life and my reality!  So much so that Suicide was always near and dear to me! Yep, the word everyone hates or is a shame to say or admit!

No one knew what I was dealing with!  I always say that it was like a dark cloud that followed me everywhere. There were times I just didn’t have the drive in me to get up and go. I wanted to stay in bed under my blankets in the dark and hide from the world.

But all of this changed, only within a few months. Growing up, my mom taught us about God. We went to church every day of the week, prayed together before bed, and read the bible together daily. We did all of that, but it did nothing for me! However, not until recently.

One day, I was at home lying in bed and I wanted to really read the bible, not just read, I wanted to understand it and actually grow from what I read. I prayed that night for God to lead me to a chapter that would apply to me. One that would help me. That didn’t happen.

The next day I went to a Goodwill store, not to buy or book, I had forgot about my pray that night. I went to shop for my girls’ some clothes. I walked over the book section to get books for them. And I came across a Joseph Prince book “Destined to Reign”. I bought it! And read it that night. I couldn’t put it down!

This book opened up my lost eyes to who God really is!  It washed me clean and my thoughts. Instead of me believing God was this big angry man who is always wanting to punish me. I saw him as my loving Father, even when I make mistakes. I learned about his Love and that he is Love. I learned about forgiveness and peace. I learned that I am a new creature in him and old things are past away.

The more I read the book, the more I started to seek after Christ daily. I struggled and still do with those things that hunted me, but because I finally understand his Love for me – it changed everything!!!!  I mean everything!!!!!!!!!  I walk and live in his Love! I appreciate me, flaws, and failures!  I can truly do things in my life because of him and me finally understanding him and who he is.

I fell in Love that day! And I have been head over heels since!!!!   I am reminded of a verse in a Jamie Grace song. It goes like this “I heard you were good, but this is more than I expected”!!!   She is soo right!  I heard God was Good growing up by listening to and watching my mom experience him, but to experience his Love, his being for myself, I cannot explain this feeling!  It’s so overwhelming and powerful!  It touches the very core of my heart!

So with all that being said, my birthday was on December 8th.  I turned 32, the age my mom died.  God was preparing me for that day I believe in the previous months. So on that day, I was able to celebrate in Peace, Love and Serenity for the first time since she died.

My mom gave me Life when she introduced Christ to me at such a young age because I rely on him heavily each day to make it through my Life. That is what I am soo thankful for on my birthday. I found my Life in Christ and that is something I celebrate! I have never been more alive than I am at 32 in my Life!

Praise God for his life saving Grace and thank you mom for introducing me to the Love of my Life at the mere age of 4, my Heavenly Father!

Happy Birthday to me!!!!!