Posts Tagged ‘low self-esteem’

Last night I was reading a summarization of the bible and came across a story that really spoke to my spirit.  The story was when Simon Peter took Jesus aside ad privately reprimanded him for saying such things as him being killed and then rising up in three days.  He advised Jesus that this was impossible because God will never allow this to happen to him.

Jesus turned and saw the disciples, then looked at Peter. “Do not stand in my way, adversary.  You are a hindrance to me because you do not understand the plan of God.  You see only from a human point of view.  Matthew 16:23

What an amazing revelation!  As I let this saturate within me.  I realized then that I myself was my biggest adversary in my life.  I am always watching what I say, do look and wear.  Constantly wanting to be accepted by others and avoid being typecast or labeled a stereotype or even dumb and not worthy.  I downplay who I am and continuously am quiet because I second guess myself thinking that I may sound illiterate and incompetent.

This morning I looked up the word adversary and the definition is one’s opponent in a contest, conflict or dispute.  I also read that it is a person, group or force that opposes or attacks; opponent; enemy foe.  The Devil ; Satan.

Those definitions definitely hit a nerve. But they left off one description – oneself.  In life we fight more against our self and how we view ourselves.  I love the fact that God spoke boldly to Peter – Do not stand in my way Adversary!!! What if we took on our adversary in that same way.

Since I am my adversary – I will speak boldly out loud – Hey, you (Kim) the one in the mirror – do not stand in my way.  For you do not know the plans of God because you only think with your human mind!!! Get out of my way!

I really love this and this is something I plan to follow each day of my life.

I have felt like a foreigner in my own body, in this world, at work, and around others for some time.  At first this would bother me so deeply – wondering why I am like this, why are my thoughts, feelings and insight like this.

My life was flipped upside down and down side-up about a year ago.  I wholeheartedly gave my life over to Christ at 31.  I mean I really laid down the life I once knew and began to follow Jesus.  I picked up his Word and began to meditate on it day and night literally.  I was seeking him with every fiber in my bones. Until one day he showed up and showed out.  He took that natural life I was given and gave me a life that I never imagined that I could ever have. I became a new spiritual creature because he made me one of his Own.

His light dwells within me, constantly radiating and rotating his beauty on the inside of me. When situations arise and my normal reactions of fear, worry, sadness and rage try to arise, I feel the radiance of God’s love for ME reminding me that I am made whole in Christ.  His Word is constantly pouring out of my mouth and swimming in my mind. I am operating in the Spirit.

I am not myself – the self I once knew.  So when I don’t get quick to anger, worry, hurt, sad, frustrated, annoyed – I am reminded by Christ that I have been made brand new and all things from my past have been washed away.

I too, am not of this World and I don’t have to take on the characteristics, personas, ideas, actions, negativity, beliefs that they are offering because I have been transformed and renewed.

I have hope among the hopeless….

The beauty of being yourself is embracing your Truths. When you know who you are in Christ, you do not have to live up to anyone’s standards or expectations. That is awesome news today! And it just makes life so much easier! If you are quiet…embrace it! Because God made you quiet. If you are loud….! Embarrass that…because God made you like that! People may say, oh you need to be this way or that way! But those are only their opinions. God breathed life in you and gave you a piece of his identity. You were made in the image of God and the closer you get to him, his likeness and characteristics will soon become yours. Know that nothing is flawed on you when you look like God from the inside out. So I say, Love all of You because at the end of the day, you are embracing God because you are his marvelous creation.

So the next time someone says, you need to be like…..  Simply smile and say to yourself “no I am like my creator and my creator made no mistakes on me”! Hallelujah! Receive that today!

 

“Genesis 1:27 – So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

“Genesis 1:31 – God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning–the sixth day.”

mirrorWhen you look in the mirror, what do you see? A real question for my readers…

Brown as a tree branch swaying back and from in the wind. Two pearls that shine so brightly (my papa would say when I was a kid when he spoke of my eyes).  Cheekbones so high, you’d think I was raised by top models or born unto Indians.  Dimples on cheek to cheek – from the kissing of angels from up above.

Kinky hair twisted in locks to show my heritage and expressions of my natural beauty. Ears so tiny, yet I can hear all that needs to be heard, especially the chanting of God’s sweet Words whispering softly to me. Lips full, yet small. However, when I open my mouth, love is expressed and so is God’s Glory.

My nose is a perfect work of art – placed so beautifully you see. It was as if God designed it just for Kleenex commercials and I hope I get a gig. (JK) The only flaw I found, was a mole placed right there, right on the left side of my nose. I wondered why there? Why did God design me to have a little black mole right there for the world to see? A sign of imperfection! He must have messed up on me! I thought!

Well, Ecclesiastes 3 reminded me that everything has a purpose. Something as small as a mole on my nose has its purpose. Each creation that God made he placed a purpose in it. He was so passionate about his creations that he gave each one of us our own special mark. Nothing was created by chance, but serves a purpose in his big picture.

And in knowing that, when I look at my mole, I am constantly reminded that my imperfections are made perfect in Christ. Why? Because he took his time in molding me so beautifully and was just showing off when he added a touch of “mole” right on my nose to top off his wonderful creation.

******I would love to hear from you!!!! Tell me what is your special touch/mark that God has blessed you with and why?*****

scumYesterday, I woke up in a descent mood. Descent meaning I did not become short tempered with my husband and I didn’t yell at my kids. Now this is a decent mood for me, especially for a Sunday morning. It’s like every Sunday; I wake up with a chip on my shoulder – a chip that only appears on Sundays.

Sunday we visited my grandfather’s church where he is the pastor. My family and I were really excited about being there. While he was standing in the pulpit waiting for the service to start, I walked up to speak to him. The first thing that he says is “I see you with the red streaks in your hair.” (Note: I have a new hairstyle and added color for the first time. Also, I haven’t seen my granddad in months).

I smiled, thinking a compliment would follow (probably hoping one would). Anything from, “oh I like your hair, you look great or even a “are you losing weight” – a regular lie women tell each other. Nope, didn’t get that. What I did get is a “your face is getting wider”. I stood there confused, but in a very familiar place. I simply smiled and said “I am getting older that’s all”. He responded with “so that’s what it is” very sarcastically.

I gathered those familiar feelings, the hands of my two daughters and headed to the very back row of the church.  As I sat there listening to the sermon, well acting as though I was.  Not that I didn’t want to, but my 1-year-old daughter kept having a temper tantrum (that I have no clue on how to control or know where she gets it from; well maybe I do know where she gets it from). I went into a daze wandering about the saying, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” Looking through the congregation as they stood reciting the scripture he asked us to turn to, I floated to that familiar place I told you about earlier in the story.

A place I visit often:

Why are you so shy?

You are going to end up just like your mom (FYI: My mom is deceased)

Skeleton face

Big Feet

You’re getting fat

Why are you marrying her?

No one wants you – your father left and even though it wasn’t her choice, your mom left you too

You are a bad mom and a horrible wife

No one is going to hire you

You’re not smart enough

Are you crazy?

What is wrong with you?

I am not your real father

You think you are better than us

And the list can go on and on….Believe it or not, most of these are said by the person writing them down….ME!  I call this my scum pile.  All the things that Satan uses to remind me that I am nothing but Good!  And if he can’t get me to tell those lies to myself, he uses others in my life to say something as small as “your face is getting wider” to place me back in that scum pile where he says I came from and belong. He reminds me everyday that I am far from Good!

I forced a smile.  A victorious smile! You see I have been doing a lot of seeking God lately – from reading scriptures to Joseph Prince books and listening to a lot of Jamie Grace – her music gives me life. And from what I read and hear, it tells me I am Good!

Genesis 1:31 – Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that is was very Good!

I am learning to understand that if God said it, then it has to be true. He is my creator. He made me, this delicate, yet complicated creature that no one can duplicate or imitate as Good!

Psalms 139:13-17 – For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me,  When as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

Wow! That scripture speaks volumes as to how much our Heavenly Father loved us! He made this person, me to give Life to two beautiful daughters. He made this person to Love a man who admires her everyday and who she can love back authentically with the same Love she has experienced from Christ.  He made this fatherless girl his Daughter and I have accepted him as my Father and Mother.

Thank you Lord for Loving little ole me and having me! Now I can leave the scum where it is, under my feet. I can walk this Life with my Head High, My Chest stuck Out and Be Confident in Knowing Who I Am and Where I am Going.  I have found my identity in You.

And all I can say to that is AMEN!!!!