Posts Tagged ‘help’

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed in your Glory.  It’s like a heightened high in love and admiration for you.   I can’t control my praise or my body.  When I think about your goodness every part of my body goes into worship mode.  You literally take my breath away!  I trust you with all of me and every area of my life!  You touch places that no human being can even get to.  This is the craziest adrenaline rush – nothing compares to when you allow God to lead you blindly to unexpected places.  My stomach turns, my heart skips several beats, my mouth opens in praise, my eye close and bask in your presence. Your love for me has truly transformed my very being.  I know that I was not living before I encountered your love for me. I have fallen so deeply in love with you.  Your sweet words have captivated me. I blush every time I read or hear about you and how passionate you are about me. I give my life to you – the very life that you created.  I devote it back to you.

I love you Lord and am so Blessed that you love me!

“God I want my wants and needs to line up with the very things you want for me”, this was my prayer on Saturday.  I have come to realize that throughout my life, God has always given me the very best.  I do not know what is best for me!  Yes, God does want to give you the desires of your heart and he puts those passions there, but ultimately, we do not know what the Very Best is for ourselves.  This is why my constant prayer now is Lord make my will line up to your Will because your Will is best for me.  I do not want anything else but the best and in you I have that!

Order my steps in your Word – Lead me – Guide Me in Everyway! (Psalm 119:133)  I live a life now directed by the Lord.  I do not want to walk this life without him being my guide.  I love just knowing that God sees the big picture because I sure can’t.  Although his timing is not my own, I know that his timing is best.  For he goes before me to prepare everything for my entrance – I find Peace in that!

I rest in knowing that his Word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. (Psalm 119:105)  I am overwhelmed with Joy – because wherever he allows my feet to go – I can have confidence in knowing that I belong wherever I am!  My father is the God Almighty and I am accepted into his family – therefore making me an heir.  I can be bold and triumphant in every situation because my Father is here with me directing me and whispering in my ear – You can do it! Stay strong! Be encouraged! Do not Fear!  No weapon formed against you can prosper!  Amen! This is the God I serve!

God has yet amazed me again!  It’s always wonderful when he shows you that he is listening to your prayers.  It may not come the way you’d like, but isn’t it ALWAYS amazing when he just gives you a glimpse of what you have prayed for (a little taste).

The other night, I checked my phone only to find a text from a good friend of mine telling me about a job opportunity with a Christian online blog. God knows I have prayed for an opportunity to write devotions. Like, during my time with God, I literally scribble down titles for potential devotions. I couldn’t help but become overwhelm with joy and praise to my heavenly father.  Not because I am going to get the job (which I hope I do), but because he showed me he hears me…(At this moment as I write, I close my eyes and take a deep breathe). I do this because I know he loves me sooo deeply!  He knew that I needed just a hint that he sees me, but most of all he hears me.

Even if the opportunity does not open up to me.  I am still in awe! My father loves me that much – to put me on the mind of a friend that I hadn’t talk to in months to reveal to me that he is listening to me. (Smiling from cheek to cheek at this very moment) I am loved! He loves me! And the best part of it ALL – is that I love him so passionately!

So know that your prayers are not just hitting the ceiling.  Your heavenly father hears them and he is listening to your every request! He sees you….right where you are.   He knows what you need and when you need it.  I find that I am constantly reminding myself of this very thing….Lord I know you see me at this moment and I shall always look to you….Hallelujah!!!!

Scripture I just simply adore

-Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God. “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.  Luke 12:6-7

-For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

 

madAnother trying week or week in a half, whichever….

I have struggled with Fear, Sadness, Anger, Conviction, Confusion and the list goes on.

It’s like I am trying to be Right.  The Christian I need to be.  I am trying to be Strong and to allow my Faith Keep Me.  But it seems like my Faith gets tested in so many angles – which makes me wonder if my Faith is strong enough to withstand or if I even have Faith at all.  From watching the news and its constant content of Ebola and the potential outbreak – to my baby girl getting sick (not with Ebola an ear infection – but still the unknown and potential scared me) – to it coming to my house – to my own struggles physically and emotionally.

Geesh, this has been a trying week or week in a half for me.  It’s like I just can’t get right or get it right or be right!  I really try!   Lord knows I do, but it’s so hard being a Christian! What is being a Christian, I wonder?!  Sorry, I am venting a bit!  I try and try, but it seems like I keep failing!  I thought it would be easy, but it seems like it’s the hardest thing I have ever done.  Yea I look at TV and watch Christian folk videos and yea they look happy.  Doing this to help people, giving, smiling and acting as though they don’t have a worry in the word.  Why do I feel like I am the only one who is struggling to walk this walk?  Are these people lying with their fake smiles, warm hugs or could they know something I don’t.  If they do, please tell me because I am at a lost for words and actions!  Sometimes I want to give up and just give in!  I want to throw in the towel sometimes because it just gets overwhelming. When I move forward, it seems like I am being pushed backwards.  I am so lost!  And Lord knows, I want to be found!  But I don’t know if what I am doing is enough!

Ugh….!!!!!!!!!!!  My Truth!!  The Good!  The Bad!  And The Ugly!  “Fighting for my Life” right now….

Scum Pile we met again……

However I refuse to just let go and die in Sin or lose the Faith that I do have….Lord I am holding on by a thread!

 

I had to come back to post this.  God is always on time and knows my heart so much. And listens to my cry and I am so glad that I can be honest with him and explode my true feelings on him without his judgement.  So, after I posted this..a friend of mine who knows nothing about my blog or how I feel texted me this

“Don’t be afraid of your flaws; acknowledge them and let God use you anyway.  Quit Worrying about what you’re not and give God what you are.”  Amen!  This was so needed! Praise God for using others to show me how much he loves me and wants this relationship with me just as much as I do!

 

gossipIt’s a struggle sometimes when your mouth keeps moving and you are looking down at it thinking “Shut Up” already.  “You’ve said way more than what you should be saying right now”.

Yep, that happens to me a lot.  I believe that since I am what many call an introvert that when I talk to people, my mouth goes 1000 mph. And with that kind of speed, it just doesn’t know when enough is enough or when to stop!  Until it’s too late!

Too late meaning, I am sitting back thinking “like really why did you just say that, did you really just say that, why did you bring that up, are you just that much in need of a friend that you say any and everything that pops up in your little head”.  Yep these questions let me know I have said way more than what I intended to say.

After that, I am so frustrated and angry with myself!  The reason being is because God is truly dealing with me in every area of my life, especially with my negative thoughts and my MOUTH.  And each and every time I speak out of line, I beat myself to a pulp with my own words.  Like, “your not a real Christian, your fake, God isn’t listening to your prayers after you just said that, you’ve messed up now, your back at Z and are not moving forward after that statement”.

Ugh!!! Is all I can say after I have failed in the mouth arena!  Why can’t I CONTROL my mouth and my own tongue???!!!! That’s when I decided to search the Word of God to see what it says about the Tongue.

James 3:8-10: “…but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.  Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water”.

James 3:2-10:  “And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell”.

Matthew 15:11:  “It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.”

I felt so convicted after reading those scriptures that I had to seek out scriptures that could help me with the untamable tongue.  These are just a few I have found:

James 1:19-20: “… let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

Galatians 5:16: “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh”.

Ephesians 4:31-32:  “Put out of your life all these things: bad feelings about other people, anger, temper, loud talk, bad talk which hurts other people, and bad feelings which hurt other people. 32 You must be kind to each other. Think of the other person. Forgive other people just as God forgave you because of Christ’s death on the cross”.

You can check out these scriptures by clicking this link on Taming Your Tongue. I found them really helpful so much so I saved them to my Favorites on my computer.

http://www.openbible.info/topics/taming_your_tongue

After reading these scriptures, I have accepted the fact that I cannot do this own my own.  However, I have found my help in the Lord and I know that it will take time and my devotion to his word – praying and meditating on it day and night to defeat this Monster!

Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things because Christ gives me the strength”

mirrorWhen you look in the mirror, what do you see? A real question for my readers…

Brown as a tree branch swaying back and from in the wind. Two pearls that shine so brightly (my papa would say when I was a kid when he spoke of my eyes).  Cheekbones so high, you’d think I was raised by top models or born unto Indians.  Dimples on cheek to cheek – from the kissing of angels from up above.

Kinky hair twisted in locks to show my heritage and expressions of my natural beauty. Ears so tiny, yet I can hear all that needs to be heard, especially the chanting of God’s sweet Words whispering softly to me. Lips full, yet small. However, when I open my mouth, love is expressed and so is God’s Glory.

My nose is a perfect work of art – placed so beautifully you see. It was as if God designed it just for Kleenex commercials and I hope I get a gig. (JK) The only flaw I found, was a mole placed right there, right on the left side of my nose. I wondered why there? Why did God design me to have a little black mole right there for the world to see? A sign of imperfection! He must have messed up on me! I thought!

Well, Ecclesiastes 3 reminded me that everything has a purpose. Something as small as a mole on my nose has its purpose. Each creation that God made he placed a purpose in it. He was so passionate about his creations that he gave each one of us our own special mark. Nothing was created by chance, but serves a purpose in his big picture.

And in knowing that, when I look at my mole, I am constantly reminded that my imperfections are made perfect in Christ. Why? Because he took his time in molding me so beautifully and was just showing off when he added a touch of “mole” right on my nose to top off his wonderful creation.

******I would love to hear from you!!!! Tell me what is your special touch/mark that God has blessed you with and why?*****

shutupPound – Pound – Pound is the sound of my 9 in half dark pink, white and black Nikes hitting the pavement.  Tonight was my track night.  I was lightly jogging along at this near by middle school track around the corner from my house.  I enjoy this alone time.  I take this time to talk to God and to cleanse my mind.

“Breathe in, breathe out, you can do it…keep running…don’t stop…you got this”…oh yeah, that’s me self-motivating as I ran faster and faster around the track.  As it gets darker out, I noticed that more and more people were still coming.  It’s like 7:45 PM.  As I run, I saw something ahead of me, some sort of figure, larger than I.  I watched it as I ran from fast to slow to eventually walking – wondering why I couldn’t shake this figure.

What I saw, well…, I didn’t like!  One because it was weird looking and two it was way larger than me.  It made me very nervous.  As I walked along looking around at the passersby, trying to see if they saw what I saw, I noticed that no one did.  Each individual were too caught up doing their workout routines or just enjoying each others company.

Far off, I saw a young woman stretching, an older couple holding hands while speed walking.  There were children riding their bikes and even playing in the sandbox (that I occasionally let my 4-year-old play in).  Everyone was minding their business. No one saw this distorted figure in front of me.

It wouldn’t leave me alone!  So I stopped walking.  I stared at it and it back at me. I spoke first “ugh, it’s you again”.  No response came from it.  It simply peered up at me. I looked closer and noticed that it was imitating me.  When I turned my head, it too turned.  When I raised my arm, it did the same.  I became frustrated and annoyed with it.  It spoke up to me quietly “you look so fat.  Yea, you thought you were losing weight, but your not!”

At that moment it was a battle of the wills!  I wanted to turn around, walk back to my car and yell “what’s the freaking use, its right it’s no point in me working out, the weight is not falling off”.  So I did just that, I walked…but instead to my car, I began to walk another lap around the track.  Guess who followed me, you guessed it, that figure.  It stuck to me like glue and kept chanting its negative comments up at me.   It got so bad that I stopped again and for the last time.

I looked down at my SHADOW and said, YOU CAN’T WIN!  So follow me all you want, but you will not control me any more. Your appearance!  Your lies!  Have no place here anymore!  I will not be fooled by you anymore!

I was reminded of Ecclesiastes 9:11 – “I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.”

I ran faster than I have ever run.  Yes, she was still there, but instead of her controlling me, I controlled her and her mouth too.  Tunes of “It’s a beautiful day” by Jamie Grace played through my headset echoing in my ears as I ran into the darkness….

All I can say to that is AMEN!!!

 

scumYesterday, I woke up in a descent mood. Descent meaning I did not become short tempered with my husband and I didn’t yell at my kids. Now this is a decent mood for me, especially for a Sunday morning. It’s like every Sunday; I wake up with a chip on my shoulder – a chip that only appears on Sundays.

Sunday we visited my grandfather’s church where he is the pastor. My family and I were really excited about being there. While he was standing in the pulpit waiting for the service to start, I walked up to speak to him. The first thing that he says is “I see you with the red streaks in your hair.” (Note: I have a new hairstyle and added color for the first time. Also, I haven’t seen my granddad in months).

I smiled, thinking a compliment would follow (probably hoping one would). Anything from, “oh I like your hair, you look great or even a “are you losing weight” – a regular lie women tell each other. Nope, didn’t get that. What I did get is a “your face is getting wider”. I stood there confused, but in a very familiar place. I simply smiled and said “I am getting older that’s all”. He responded with “so that’s what it is” very sarcastically.

I gathered those familiar feelings, the hands of my two daughters and headed to the very back row of the church.  As I sat there listening to the sermon, well acting as though I was.  Not that I didn’t want to, but my 1-year-old daughter kept having a temper tantrum (that I have no clue on how to control or know where she gets it from; well maybe I do know where she gets it from). I went into a daze wandering about the saying, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” Looking through the congregation as they stood reciting the scripture he asked us to turn to, I floated to that familiar place I told you about earlier in the story.

A place I visit often:

Why are you so shy?

You are going to end up just like your mom (FYI: My mom is deceased)

Skeleton face

Big Feet

You’re getting fat

Why are you marrying her?

No one wants you – your father left and even though it wasn’t her choice, your mom left you too

You are a bad mom and a horrible wife

No one is going to hire you

You’re not smart enough

Are you crazy?

What is wrong with you?

I am not your real father

You think you are better than us

And the list can go on and on….Believe it or not, most of these are said by the person writing them down….ME!  I call this my scum pile.  All the things that Satan uses to remind me that I am nothing but Good!  And if he can’t get me to tell those lies to myself, he uses others in my life to say something as small as “your face is getting wider” to place me back in that scum pile where he says I came from and belong. He reminds me everyday that I am far from Good!

I forced a smile.  A victorious smile! You see I have been doing a lot of seeking God lately – from reading scriptures to Joseph Prince books and listening to a lot of Jamie Grace – her music gives me life. And from what I read and hear, it tells me I am Good!

Genesis 1:31 – Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that is was very Good!

I am learning to understand that if God said it, then it has to be true. He is my creator. He made me, this delicate, yet complicated creature that no one can duplicate or imitate as Good!

Psalms 139:13-17 – For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me,  When as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

Wow! That scripture speaks volumes as to how much our Heavenly Father loved us! He made this person, me to give Life to two beautiful daughters. He made this person to Love a man who admires her everyday and who she can love back authentically with the same Love she has experienced from Christ.  He made this fatherless girl his Daughter and I have accepted him as my Father and Mother.

Thank you Lord for Loving little ole me and having me! Now I can leave the scum where it is, under my feet. I can walk this Life with my Head High, My Chest stuck Out and Be Confident in Knowing Who I Am and Where I am Going.  I have found my identity in You.

And all I can say to that is AMEN!!!!

 

 

Today 2 Corinthians 10:5 ran through my head “…and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

No one warned me as to how much of a fight it would be to keep my mind pure from the thoughts that once hunted me throughout my entire life. Let’s be honest earlier this week. Today started like no other, got up early as I normally do about 4am, drove to work and ended up at cubicle 2916 as I have done for over 2 years. From what I thought, I was pretty normal; except for a weird, yet scary dream I had that night. I won’t get into details about it.

As I sat at my desk preparing for the day, my coworkers were indulged in their YouTube funnies. They were laughing, joking and just being their normal selves. However, I started to feel an old emotion tapping at my left shoulder reminding me of how much they annoy me each day and their fakeness! As that feeling was knocking, another tap occurred on my right shoulder and then another and another. And before I knew it, frustration, irritation, anger, low self-esteem, hopelessness, and anxiety were all dancing around me trying to figure out who would jump in or get invited in first.

Within almost an instant, hopelessness began to ease its sneaky emotion in first. I felt the word “hope” moving in and waiting right behind its sneaky little suffix “lessness” trying to creep its way in too. However, at the moment, I did something different. The old me would have said, come on in, sit with me, devour me. But this day, I went to Youtube and found Mandisa Overcomer song. As I listened, I went to my emergency kit saved in my Favorites on my computer. It’s a blog that I go to from time to time that has very powerful scriptures that speak to my heart.

http://www.mymomlife.com/blog/my-spiritual-life/motivation-encouragement-bible-verses/

As I read each scripture and rocked to Overcomer, I began to feel hopelessness being forced out and taking its little minions with it. I got up from my desk and walked to the restroom. As I was walking, I felt like I had been in a boxing match. I thought “why is it such a fight to keep your mind pure and at peace. No one warned me that it would be a fight. It’s like every day, minute, and second a negative emotion is waiting to take me down and I have to literal fight to keep myself positive and at peace. Literal, I have to “Fight for my Life”!  The life that God said that he came to give me in John 10:10 – The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

As I was doing my business in the restroom, 2 Corinthians 10:5 came to mind “…and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” It was like someone hit me in the head with a baseball. I thought “Wow, so it is like we are in a boxing ring trying to protect our thoughts. We are protecting our hearts and minds from the tricks of Satan and in order to protect ourselves, we must fight and that means taking down every thought, capturing it and hitting it with what the Word of God says.

Once I realized this, I left out of that restroom with a new found joy in knowing that God has my back and I am not fighting my battles, but the Lord is….All I can say to that is Amen!!!!