Posted: October 9, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

madAnother trying week or week in a half, whichever….

I have struggled with Fear, Sadness, Anger, Conviction, Confusion and the list goes on.

It’s like I am trying to be Right.  The Christian I need to be.  I am trying to be Strong and to allow my Faith Keep Me.  But it seems like my Faith gets tested in so many angles – which makes me wonder if my Faith is strong enough to withstand or if I even have Faith at all.  From watching the news and its constant content of Ebola and the potential outbreak – to my baby girl getting sick (not with Ebola an ear infection – but still the unknown and potential scared me) – to it coming to my house – to my own struggles physically and emotionally.

Geesh, this has been a trying week or week in a half for me.  It’s like I just can’t get right or get it right or be right!  I really try!   Lord knows I do, but it’s so hard being a Christian! What is being a Christian, I wonder?!  Sorry, I am venting a bit!  I try and try, but it seems like I keep failing!  I thought it would be easy, but it seems like it’s the hardest thing I have ever done.  Yea I look at TV and watch Christian folk videos and yea they look happy.  Doing this to help people, giving, smiling and acting as though they don’t have a worry in the word.  Why do I feel like I am the only one who is struggling to walk this walk?  Are these people lying with their fake smiles, warm hugs or could they know something I don’t.  If they do, please tell me because I am at a lost for words and actions!  Sometimes I want to give up and just give in!  I want to throw in the towel sometimes because it just gets overwhelming. When I move forward, it seems like I am being pushed backwards.  I am so lost!  And Lord knows, I want to be found!  But I don’t know if what I am doing is enough!

Ugh….!!!!!!!!!!!  My Truth!!  The Good!  The Bad!  And The Ugly!  “Fighting for my Life” right now….

Scum Pile we met again……

However I refuse to just let go and die in Sin or lose the Faith that I do have….Lord I am holding on by a thread!


I had to come back to post this.  God is always on time and knows my heart so much. And listens to my cry and I am so glad that I can be honest with him and explode my true feelings on him without his judgement.  So, after I posted this..a friend of mine who knows nothing about my blog or how I feel texted me this

“Don’t be afraid of your flaws; acknowledge them and let God use you anyway.  Quit Worrying about what you’re not and give God what you are.”  Amen!  This was so needed! Praise God for using others to show me how much he loves me and wants this relationship with me just as much as I do!



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