If God says I am Good, then WHY do I feel like Scum!

Posted: September 22, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

scumYesterday, I woke up in a descent mood. Descent meaning I did not become short tempered with my husband and I didn’t yell at my kids. Now this is a decent mood for me, especially for a Sunday morning. It’s like every Sunday; I wake up with a chip on my shoulder – a chip that only appears on Sundays.

Sunday we visited my grandfather’s church where he is the pastor. My family and I were really excited about being there. While he was standing in the pulpit waiting for the service to start, I walked up to speak to him. The first thing that he says is “I see you with the red streaks in your hair.” (Note: I have a new hairstyle and added color for the first time. Also, I haven’t seen my granddad in months).

I smiled, thinking a compliment would follow (probably hoping one would). Anything from, “oh I like your hair, you look great or even a “are you losing weight” – a regular lie women tell each other. Nope, didn’t get that. What I did get is a “your face is getting wider”. I stood there confused, but in a very familiar place. I simply smiled and said “I am getting older that’s all”. He responded with “so that’s what it is” very sarcastically.

I gathered those familiar feelings, the hands of my two daughters and headed to the very back row of the church.  As I sat there listening to the sermon, well acting as though I was.  Not that I didn’t want to, but my 1-year-old daughter kept having a temper tantrum (that I have no clue on how to control or know where she gets it from; well maybe I do know where she gets it from). I went into a daze wandering about the saying, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” Looking through the congregation as they stood reciting the scripture he asked us to turn to, I floated to that familiar place I told you about earlier in the story.

A place I visit often:

Why are you so shy?

You are going to end up just like your mom (FYI: My mom is deceased)

Skeleton face

Big Feet

You’re getting fat

Why are you marrying her?

No one wants you – your father left and even though it wasn’t her choice, your mom left you too

You are a bad mom and a horrible wife

No one is going to hire you

You’re not smart enough

Are you crazy?

What is wrong with you?

I am not your real father

You think you are better than us

And the list can go on and on….Believe it or not, most of these are said by the person writing them down….ME!  I call this my scum pile.  All the things that Satan uses to remind me that I am nothing but Good!  And if he can’t get me to tell those lies to myself, he uses others in my life to say something as small as “your face is getting wider” to place me back in that scum pile where he says I came from and belong. He reminds me everyday that I am far from Good!

I forced a smile.  A victorious smile! You see I have been doing a lot of seeking God lately – from reading scriptures to Joseph Prince books and listening to a lot of Jamie Grace – her music gives me life. And from what I read and hear, it tells me I am Good!

Genesis 1:31 – Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that is was very Good!

I am learning to understand that if God said it, then it has to be true. He is my creator. He made me, this delicate, yet complicated creature that no one can duplicate or imitate as Good!

Psalms 139:13-17 – For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me,  When as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

Wow! That scripture speaks volumes as to how much our Heavenly Father loved us! He made this person, me to give Life to two beautiful daughters. He made this person to Love a man who admires her everyday and who she can love back authentically with the same Love she has experienced from Christ.  He made this fatherless girl his Daughter and I have accepted him as my Father and Mother.

Thank you Lord for Loving little ole me and having me! Now I can leave the scum where it is, under my feet. I can walk this Life with my Head High, My Chest stuck Out and Be Confident in Knowing Who I Am and Where I am Going.  I have found my identity in You.

And all I can say to that is AMEN!!!!

 

 

Advertisements
Comments
  1. C.J. Penn says:

    Thank you for opening up and sharing a heart-felt, beautiful story. Your story reminds me of other blogs I’ve read recently. We all suffer from the tendency to come down on ourselves and criticize ourselves. But the truth that recently came to me is this: as we are not to judge others, we also should not judge ourselves. I believe the problem with judging ourselves, other than what you mention, is that the effort distracts us from God. For me, as with all my problems, the solution is to focus my attention on the Holy Spirit within me. And that’s where peace comes from.

    Liked by 1 person

    • kemberlii says:

      C.J. Penn thank you so much for leaving your comment and I am glad that you enjoyed it. I certainly agree with you on not judging ourselves. We sometimes are our worst critic. And yes, that is very distracting from where we should be focused and that’s on our Heavenly Father. Praise God! I am learning each day that I have to stay connected to him – life source be it -reading his Word, praying, listening to positive music and so on. There are just too many ungodly things our here fighting for our attention. I have to keep my Spirit pure! I certainly appreciate you and your wisdom!

      Like

  2. Jdoub says:

    This really touched me! Thank you for the beautiful expressions! I love it!!!!

    Like

  3. Julia Putzke says:

    “He made this fatherless girl his Daughter and I have accepted him as my Father and Mother.” I love this so much! reminds me of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCjQ0AP4h58

    Also, I LOVE JAMIE GRACE! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • kemberlii says:

      Julia, I certainly appreciate you taking the time out to comment on my post. This post was so close to my heart and I really wanted to inspire others who may feel the same way. I listened to song from the link attached to your comment…simply Beautiful! Thanks for sharing!

      Like

  4. Emmanuella says:

    A M A S I N G. Flawless indeed, as everything coming from God. I’m also addicted to the truth Jospeh Prince and Jamie Grace impact to us through their ministry and I listen to them everyday. «When I’m with you, it’s like anything, everything That’s been weighing on me Falls by the wayside», or «Look inside an be depressed, look around and be stressed, look to Christ and be at rest». AMEN.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s